Friday, June 21, 2013

牵引我心

经历种种磨练,不得不叫自己学习成长,学次放下自己,全然交托给神。有时候当觉得自己很有能力的时候,反而不会降服;直等到问题来到,才知道自己是多么渺小,不得不在全能神面前谦卑。

在我还没有考undang-undang考试前,我在房间做过着这么一个祷告:

“主啊,求你祝福我,好让我能够在我能祝福的范围内祝福其他人。”

很多次遇到交通问题时,我都很好运,有那么多“天使”祝福我,载我,有一次打完羽球,jonathan载我回家,我说我不知道要如何报答他,他告诉我:你不需要报答我,等到你会驾车时就祝福其他不会驾车的人吧!我也是一个过来人,曾经有不少人载过我,现在是时候到我祝福人了。

很多人刚考到车时,都喜欢抢着要驾车,这也包括我在内,但可能是性格的关系,我不太喜欢驾长途车程。另一方面是驾车技巧不好,每一次驾车旁边总有人在念我。无可否认我是初学者,还有很多需要学习的方面,所以我应该坦然大方的接受所有的批评的。但是可能是没有天分的关系,每一次都被念得好惨哦 :'(

 有一次因为家里没有人在的关系,我必须要自己一个人驾车去附近的地方,结果就在家外面撞到自己的车,而且那辆被撞的车再过几天就要准备拿出去卖了,就因为我撞到的关系这辆车亏了不少钱。被爸爸骂了后心情真的很失落,脆弱的心灵已经被几句尖锐的话语刺伤,心很痛,很想放弃驾车。在我已经找不到任何理由继续驾车的时候,这句祷告词再次浮现在我的脑海里了。“主啊,求你祝福我,好让我能够在我能祝福的范围内祝福其他人。” 我的生命,是要来影响更多生命的!我祈求神帮助我,每一次要驾车前,我不要再靠自己的聪明智慧,乃是要投靠万能的耶和华,将我所要走的路交托神。(箴言3:5-6)就这样,驾车技术进步不少了。

今天又再次承受很大的打击,我真的很失落。驾车不但被家人骂,还要被一个年纪比我小的人取笑,这一点都不好笑!巴着自己的面子勉强笑,希望自己能够好下台一点,但原来我的内心是受了多大的创伤。我不否认我鲁莽的驾驶,但是我真的很难接受自己这样被人笑。可能因为我是那种做事按部就班的类型,我很难变通,所以在驾车方面受过不少煎熬。我在心里想:我不想驾了。。。

对呀,可能搭lrt没有那么多烦恼

但感谢神的是,我再次找到学好车的理由。惟有这样我才愿意吭下这口难喝的杯。

每一次驾车都要抱着学习的心态,我希望这些打击不会影响我对神的信心,还有我做过的承诺,如果我手所拥有的能够祝福人,就要给出去!不然上帝“收回”的时候,就可别后悔了。希望我不会把自己所拥有的当做理所当然,同时也不要自高自大,希望我能够放下自己,将破碎的心灵交托认罪 (诗篇51:17),我相信上帝正在为我铺盖更美好的道路!

这首歌的歌词激励了我,再一次,我要在眼泪中被神触摸,学习怕起...


心中的渴望,惟你能滿足,翻騰的心情,惟你能平息, 

我靈甚渴慕你,更深的認識你,主你的恩典,是何等的甘甜。 
牽引我心,更深的愛你主,緊抱著我在你的懷裡, 
牽引我心,每一刻更深的愛你主,我只要永遠的愛你主, 
我渴慕藏在你的愛裡,一日復一日,我尋求你面, 
聖靈吸引我,進入恩典的應許,我心充滿盼望, 
從此不再畏懼,來到你跟前,是何等的甘甜。 

Wednesday, May 1, 2013

我累了

这次的三天两夜马六甲旅行,真的不容易过。它如此漫长,甚至是早上在酒店起床,都会低声叹气:唉,还有一天要过,要怎么过呢?

这次的旅行有一部分是我的责任,因为在找旅游景点跟酒店方面都是由我负责的,结果我安排到不周到,因为马六甲鸡场街的夜市是只有在周末才开的,但是我却没调查清楚,就邀大家一块到马六甲了。结果来到这里,才知道原来我们能做的activity剩下不多,只可以在早上走走jonker street, 去shopping mall window shopping, 吃一些在KL可以吃的食物(而且还比KL 烂),更可怜到要去gsc看戏,说真的,这是我第一次去旅行去到那么狼狈。

有两位朋友(我在这里叫他们A跟B好了)感觉上不怎么享受这趟旅行,我也能理解啦,连我这个"partial organizer"都不享受,更何况是他们呢?... 我一直觉得很歉疚,也很无奈,我不知道我还可以怎么做,就只能眼睁睁的看着他们闷下去。我一直尝试想一些节目出来,我很努力地办,但是他们还是表现出一副无可奈何的表情。我不怪他们,是我的错。
整段旅程里,天气又热,要走的路也很长,A跟B偶尔也会戏弄一下我(玩玩的戏弄那种),真的不简单,到底要如何找到平衡点?我不累吗?我不热吗?我心情不暴躁吗?但是我只能默默无语,这些是我要承担的。第一天晚上大家一起到melaka 出名的 layer cake吃宵夜,其实老实说,看到价钱时我不想吃了,而且我一开始也不是说特别期待layer cake。但是看到A跟B看也不看就离开了餐厅,说要自己出去走走,我不想扫大家的兴,就跟一位朋友share了一片。有时候我觉得我做事情不够圆滑,不能顾虑到全体的人,有时却为了顾虑到太多,反而让事情变得更加糟,所以才会有一句话说:You can't please everyone, 是真的!连上帝也不能做到的事情,难道我行吗?不可能! 

第二天更加够力,还记得我说过我们要去找一个距离要30分钟的才到的pasar malam去找出名的nyonya kuih吗?其实走到一半,A跟B一直都埋怨说累,结果他们走到一半,就回头了。那个时候我们都很惊讶,为什么要离开大队?可能他们真的很累,我不能理解他们的疲劳,但是为什么要整段旅程都表现出那种不甘愿无奈的心情呢?你知道这样会间接影响其他人的心情吗?为什么要发少爷脾气?我已经够内疚了,为什么还要变本加厉?! 我的心情很复杂...

这些是我打从心里想说的话:
这次的旅行做到不周到,是我的错,对不起!你们可以戏弄我,但是请你们学会看别人的脸色。你们说我小气,你们有站在我的立场想过吗?被人说智障人,麻雀很好听吗?可能你们会说你们只是开着玩笑,但是请你们学会看别人的脸色开玩笑,我一直勉强自己笑,我笑到很辛苦你们知道吗?玩笑不是不能开,但是请你们记得,不要开到太大,不是每个人都受得起的!你们把我丢去跟两个女生同房,说我是麻雀,我还可以忍;我的床是凹进去,我还想:睡到就好了,舒服就好了。第二天晚上从jonker street走回去酒店时,被A乱说我恶心之后(也是开玩笑的),我忍不住快步离开,我带点生气,但是最重要的是,我的情绪已经到了极限,我不能再装生气,在大家面前回应了。大家以为我很生气他,其实我是要找一个地方安静自己。还要在你们面前装出一幅幼稚假生气的表情,你们觉得我喜欢吗?有时你们会奇怪为什么我会在utar认识那么多人,有时还跟他们打成一片,不是因为他们的成绩比你们好,因为我发现跟他们在一起他们看我还有尊严,我知道你们是玩到比较癫的一群,我也要特别承认:你们对我真的很好!你们都是我的好朋友,只是你们在某些方面,可能令我有少许失望了,我不怪你们,人都是不完美的。

P/s:这个post不是在怪罪在任何人身上,也不是在说谁的坏话,我只是想说,这段旅程,我很累!

充满恩典的一天

已经很久没有在这里写自己的心情故事了,突然觉得人生...就像一个舞台,有时候事情的演变可以很戏剧化,有时候,自己一定要当一个最不起眼的配角,一个不会有人记得,感恩的角色,如果我不做,可能就没有人要做了。

几天前我跟一班foundation的朋友一起organize了一个三天两夜的melaka trip,在这次的旅程让我学习到了不少的东西,这次要说的是我如何经历了上帝的信实与恩典。

说到melaka,自然就会想到当地最出名的--jonker street, 在那里买了很多美食,还一起买了同一款的t-shirt,虽然是贵了一点,但是还是值得。那边其中一个档口是卖cendol的,因为吃过了很多次所以这次决定不叫,(其次是为了省钱哈哈)最后就从朋友书包拿出自己的水壶喝水(望梅止渴)
当天的天气很热,朋友们的心情也不耐烦,被他们作弄了几下,当作是训练我的EQ哈哈。回程的路途的确有点难熬,好不容易才回到酒店休息,才发现水壶不见了,原来是留在卖cendol的档口。当时的心情很挣扎,到底应不应该回去找水壶,天气那么热,应该不会有人肯陪我去,(就算有我也不好意思麻烦他们) 再加上我这个超级大路痴(痴到不行那种,是连唱k上厕所回来都会迷路)而且就算去到也未必找到;但是想一想自己一直以来都是那么大糊涂,水壶,铅笔盒等等都很容易弄不见,还有那支水壶蛮贵的,大概20多块,想到自己又要浪费钱买水壶,真的很不开心,所以就拿着自己的雨伞,回去找。

不知道哪里来的信心,就是想回去找,就算找不到也没关系。那个时候的心情很错乱,炎热的天气+被朋友作弄+水壶不见=真的很想杀人!我祷告,求神保守水壶,让我能够找到,就算找不到也就当作是一个教训好了。因为我相信我的上帝是我的供应者,在祂里面我决不缺乏。走的路程里,有问问自己如果真的找不回,会怎样?突然脑海回忆起牧师讲过的故事,是说他如何教导他的孩子照顾自己的东西。他说:如果孩子忘记带水壶去学校,不用特地提醒他,让他学会口渴找水喝,也帮助他的孩子以后会记得带水壶去学校。所以我也要学会成长,水壶不见要自己找!

走的每一段路,我都再三提醒自己要记得路,我想办法记得board sign,挡口,因为这次是自己一个人走,如果迷路就完了(因为大家都在酒店里休息睡觉)感谢上帝,那段不容易走的路有祷告陪着我,我没有trial and error都可以成功去到cendol的店,感谢主。去到那里,还让我找得回水壶,卖cendol的auntie说:我还以为你会忘记的。一天那么多顾客,其实她会特地留下水壶等我领取也很难得。找到了以后,我心中充满感恩,是言语也无法说出的感恩,虽然这是一个很小的见证,但是我很感恩,在这么小件的事情上,上帝都眷顾,我再次学习到一样东西-成长。首先是要好好照顾自己的东西, 第二,要学会认路。老实说,要不是这次愿意闯一闯,我也不会记得那条路,就算是现在要我走多一次我都记得!原来人被逼到最后一分钟,再难的任务也是有可能做到的。


it was lost, but finally it is found :)

**************************************************************************

第二个恩典的经历也是在同一天晚上,当晚我们一起约好要走去一个pasar malam, 因为那边有卖很好吃的baba charlie nyonya kuih, 走路大约要用30分钟,但是我们最后花了1小时多才走到,而且有些路很恐怖T.T感谢神保守
大概9点多晚上我们才去到pasar malam, 当时身体已经是疲乏无力,所以买了kuih后真的要准备接taxi,但是那种偏僻的area,再加上那种时间,说接就接到的meh? TT我们尝试打电话给taxi driver但是他却没有接,再这样下去我们可能真的要走路回了。想到路程那么远+疲倦,haizz...无奈~

那个时候,两个朋友在打包食物,而我和另外两个朋友一起接taxi,后来因为怕麻烦,我朋友就叫我去对面另外一side接taxi,当时的确有taxi经过但是都是有载人的。我觉得很无奈,如果真的要我走的话我的确无所谓,但是如果有taxi我会更开心。我简单地祷告,那个时候我没有特别渴望事情可以成就因为我觉得这个也不是什么大事,而且早上已经经历了一次恩典,我也不要求那么多了。

结果,taxi果然没有来,但是上帝仍然垂听我的祷告,一辆车从远处而来,行驶速度突然缓慢,停在我的前面,我还来不及反应,里面有一个男司机开窗问我:“你们想去哪里,这个时候是很难接到taxi的,如果你们不介意,我可以载。” 我真的不敢相信,因为之前我还跟我的朋友说在malaysia是不可能找到人carpooling的,结果!竟然让我见识到了,当时的我没有举手,也没有表现出要接taxi的手势,但是这两车就这样停下来,还知道我不是一个人,因为他说“你们”
跟朋友上车后,我的心情蛮开心,当然防人之心不可无,我也是很怕他会抓我们去卖的,但是从他跟我们谈话的语气来听,不太像,而且他的车有卦着cross,比较有好印象。哈哈。最后这个好心人果然带我们回去要去的地方,很感谢这位好心人,也感谢主,他就像是一位上帝派来的天使,我知道原来不管是大事或小事,上帝仍然垂听,因为祂就是如此的爱我们!可能你们觉得是巧合,但是我相信不是,是神的慈爱与怜悯!
我的朋友都很意外,这样的事情还会发生,荣耀归给神

下车前请了那位好心人一片nyonya kuih,以表示谢意。这么小的事情我仍然要献上感谢,因为再一次,我经历了祂无比的信实与大爱!

baba charlie nyonya kuih :)

Thursday, March 22, 2012

New year resolution 2012

my new year resolution~
no.1:
survive in plkn
I guess I've done this task...
because I'm still alive and telling u that I successfully done this task~
lol~
haha...
I met many friends in plkn... and I passed in the kembara halangan~
so I give myself an A for this task~

no.2:
choose a college/university
to fulfill this task
I will go to education fair on 24/3 to get more information...
and I will pray to God
give me wisdom to choose the most suitable course for me...

no.3:
take a short course in psychology...
this is my interest...
so I promise myself
I must take a short course in psychology
so that I will not regret...
:)

Monday, March 19, 2012

Joel is back [Junaco Park]

Hi! I'm back again~
I've done 3 months national service training at junaco park sibu~
the camp is awesome...
the 77 days is so memorable to me...

First of all...
it is not an ordinary camp?
why?
not because of ghost or wat la~
because it is
  • the largest camp in malaysia
  • the prettiest camp in malaysia



as you can see, this is one of the lake... written there: Junaco Park Sibu
before government switch it as a camp,
it was a big public park
people can fishing there,
jogging
because it cover by many mountains...
the fresh air... beautiful lakes...
and the beautiful skies~
love it so much.... muacksssss

one more thing, this is the only camp with swimming pool
(even though I dunno how to swim, but I still feel proud of it :P)



one more thing, there is one big hall that can put 1,000 people++ inside
this is the stage...
I thank God for I got so much chances to perform on the stage...


this is asrama wira... means hostel for male la~
:)
to be continue... :D

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

2011 wishlist

I still remember when I wrote my 2011 wishlist
I have gave myself some simple tasks and some are quite hard to do it...
its only 5 wishlist

2011 wish list

1. 进入丰盛
2. spm 考到理想的成绩
3. 人际关系有突破
4. 背包旅行
5. 圣灵充满

ok, so base on these 5 wishlist
if we look at the bottom 1, receive holy spirit and speak in tongue
I guess maybe its not the time yet, so I failed this task
let's look at the 4th,
bag packing,
I've plan a bag packing but since we are still young,
and many things are inconvenience
so we canceled it and ended up with a graduation trip
never mind, I'm quite satisfied with it. :)

next, break through in relationship
yes it is, since this year I've argue with so many friends,
chinese say: 不打不相识 right?
in school I've learn to forgive,
somehow in church I still couldn't find a true close friends to share spiritual problems and experiences
so I gonna work out on that...

the second 1 is getting good results in spm
I still dunno how's my result,
but base on my expection, I think my result is not that well compare to what I target,
never mind, I will just pass this to God and I believe God is good... hahaha...

the first 1, is become a very successful person...
I think this job is failed... its not what I expect, anyway I just hope next year will be better... hahahaha....

in conclusion:
I have done 2 tasks, 2 failed, and 1 unconfirmed....
so, what's my new year resolution 2012?
to be continue...

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Leaving

next year on 2/1 I will be leaving KL
heading to sarawak
junacco park, sibu
for training
I never experience this kind of camp
because the longest camping I went before was only 3 days
so this will be a great break through to me
I hope I can learn something from the camp
independent skills
communication skills
living skills
camping skills~~~
and...
I must gain weight and height!!!
my target: 168cm and 50kg!!
xD

Sunday, December 4, 2011

It's the most wonderful time of the year

yeah~
christmas is coming
and my spm exam is only left bc paper
so let's rejoice it~
yeah~~
how's my blog template?
I like it
compare to last year template
this year oso gt show some christmas feel~
right?
thank God and this is the season of give thanks~~ :D
share u some songs~


Friday, October 28, 2011

Its almost end of October

Its almost end of October
glad that all the relationship problems had settle
I realize this year most of my post is about friendship
so well
now I talk back to C boy, CC boy, E boy, Z boy
but....
now I quarrel with another new boy
I never angry with him in the class
so this is the first time in the year
and he is the only one boy I didn't angry in the class
now I dunwan to talk to him liao
he is Y boy

first of all
I jealous
coz he sit with another girl
argggg
not only that,
he wan to 'gek' me some more
actually this is ok
but
ytd I asked him whether wan to check my essay or not
"do u mind?"
he say he mind
"sure"
huh!
fine I know my english not good
u lazy to check all my grammar
ok lo~
today tuition oso din talk to me
suan liao lo~~
:P:P:P

Thursday, October 13, 2011

朋友7

why I got time to write blog post?
because today my revision is sejarah
so of course la this kind of subject cannot start easily...
because I will very fast lost my focus...
wakaka...
so what I will do is write something first lo...
enjoy enjoy then only start the miserable moment...
hahaha...

this post I named it as 朋友7
means I got 7 friends?
nope,
it means this is the seventh post I talked about friends...
ok so the first post I wrote is about I have loss all my friends
that time I was having cold war with cc boy, so I felt so "nothing"
so I pray to Jesus
and I knew HE is my best friend

2nd post,
I mentioned that I was suffering by E boy's temptation
I wished to friend with him but the way he talk,
is quite hard to accept...
but now ok d la~

3rd post,
I talked about whether we 3 can friend together or not...
I tried but I felt bad
the topics, the communication,
I cant take it...

4th post
I have settle my problem with cc boy
maybe everything is alright
not all
but... is in recover zone...
:)

5th post is a poem that I copied from a website

6th post is about I worried that I will single forever...

so what is 7th post about?
of course is something to do with friend as well...

today cc boy didn't come to school
y boy was going to bm seminar
e boy as usual, flirted with girls
so only left me alone
I was alone
but luckily
because a boy oso going to seminar
so c boy is alone too~
so 1+1
not alone...
I started to appreciate him
he is really a good friend
even though he didn't do anything good to me
but I can feel that when I need help he was there
for example,
I have lost my surat kebenaran
so he accompany me to take a new 1
this is a very simple thing
but I started to change my mind
erm...
c boy is not that bad la...
hahaha....
XD

I almost havin fight with the whole class guys this year
I don't know what's wrong with me
this post is not only talk about c boy, I would like to talk about z boy oso
sadly to say, I'm talking about his bad things
he never appreciate people,
and when people did wrong, he will scold people
not only that,
someone said he is a bit prejudice
I agree with this
because he always zat me
so I just take it as a test in my life
learn to be more patient
I don't understand why he so pride and prejudice
hmmm...
well...
I am not him, (luckily I'm not)
that's why I dunno...
I will try to not angry with him anymore
but still,
I will avoid talking to him
as I know his real personality...

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

angryyyyyyyyyy

I am very angry now!!!!!!!!
let me release the anger here plsssssssss
I hate him
I hate him very much
I wish to scold him with rude words but I cant
I very angry ahhhhhhhhhhh
how to express??!!!!
express here laaaaaaaaaaaaa
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!
huh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
how come got such people in the world!?!
never appreciate people good nvm
still wan to scold me?!!!!
!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

fine dun talk to me anymore
dun ask my help anymore
dun look at me anymore (I'm too handsome, u think u wan to see can just see like tht? no way!!)
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

huh!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[express oni]
:)
I'm ok now...
pls pray for me....

Friday, September 9, 2011

The Power of YOUR WORDS

This is a good testimony/ sharing of God's words...
I would like to share with you about how is the power of God's word release the freedom of forgiveness...

The following plot will overall describe the journey~

April
- I joined a competition with C boy
- I argued with the C boy during discussion

May
- I threw my bag to him because he said I'm copy paster
- I wrote letter to him, he koyak it

June
- cold fight
- celebration lunch he flew the kite

July
- I try to friend with him and asked him school stuff but he refuse to teach me

August
- tried to change his mind but failed
- cold fight

So many friends asked why I angry to him
I always gave the same answers
actually I also don't know why I wanted to angry to him
because I really wish to friend with him
then I can learn to speak well in english
but maybe we did not have good understanding to each other

God's word warned me from continues to act like hating him
I accidently saw this verse...
John 1 chapter 4 verse 20

Those who say, ‘I love God’, and hate their brothers or sisters,* are liars; for those who do not love a brother or sister* whom they have seen, cannot love God whom they have not seen.

At the end, I prefer to stop acting hate him and start to talk to him back...
At the end of this story
I learn to be more mature
sometimes I just like to emo without any reasons
especially wat I wrote in the post "Erase"
I learnt the skill to communicate
the final destination of the Think Quest problem
should be solved by now...
even though I dunno whether he hate me or not
and what is the reasons,
but as long as I show my responsibilities
I change my attitude,
then I believe God will make everything to be alright
:)

just like today I smiled to Z boy
and he wave to me too
maybe this is a good ending
without teasing anymore
and I believe God will heal the relationship

Thank God
I will become a good Christian
and show a good example
to the people
to shine in the world
and Holy Spirit please fill my heart
because I need your power, love...

I want to end this sharing with a song,
but before that,
I would like to tell you,
God's word is really powerful
no matter what religion you are
you can try to pray
and believe in God's words
because HE is almighty God :)


Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Halo, Spm

Halo, Spm
u are coming, and I will come too
I will work hard, try my best
Using Jesus almighty name
to defeat you!!

==========================

So,
I will sacrifice my internet time
to study
first of all,
I will cut down the time to play computer
to 30-45 minutes a day
(include blog and facebook)
but not including listening to songs
becoz I used to do calculations and write essay when I listening to songs

next,
I will sacrifice my study time
at least 1 subject a day
I will focus on science subjects
especially Biology and Chemistry
but for this trial exam, I will work harder on physics and add math
bcoz of some reasons

after that,
I will increase time to read Bible and pray with all my heart!
bcoz I know I need God to be with me
in all the journey
no matter what
Jesus, I need you
without You, I cant do anything
so
please fill my heart with your love

Spm is coming
am I ready?
I dunno
but I will start to prepare myself
:)
God bless...


Friday, August 26, 2011



As we walk our path of life,
We meet people everyday.
Most are simply met by chance.
But, some are sent our way.
These become special friends
Whose bond we can't explain;
The ones who understand us
And share our joy and pain.

Their love contains no boundaries.
So, even we are apart.
Their presence enhances us
With a warmth felt in the heart.

This love becomes a passageway,
When even the miles disappear.
And so, these friends, God sends our way,
Remain forever near.

Friday, August 19, 2011

Erase

I named this post as "Erase" because this post I'm going to share who and wat am I going to ERASE from my life!

First of all,
The first person I wanted to erase is C boy
he was my good friend before
we tuition together
we do projects together
we discuss stuff together
but all these can only keep in my memories
because everything change since this year april
I am very dissapointed in him
I have nothing to talk to him anymore
From now onward,
he is only my normal friend in class
if possible... I will not talk to him at all
why am I so cruel?
there is another secret reason...
and I know this decision is a good decision...
:)
if you ask me, are you sure that you willing to do that?
I can answer you
From the bottom of my heart
I don't want that
but for his own good, for another boy own good
I think I deserve it!

another boy that I plan to erase from my life is Z boy
for this case
there is a girl who support me
because this boy always tease me
and he doesn't appreciate what I've did to him
from giving answers in exam, to lending him notes, then helping him
but what he did is scolding me and sarcastic me
my friend ask me why I can tahan him for this whole year
but I just speechless
so I plan to less talk to him
good for me and him I guess

these are the people that I plan to erase from my life
don't worry
I won't kill them
I will only avoid them from my sight and their sight
I know I shouldn't do this because this year is final year
we should appreciate the friendships
but if they don't wish to respect me what for I wan to treat them so well
since they don't expect me to respect them
I think if I treat them like a very very very normal friend,
is very kind enough...

======================================================

There is one thing that I wan to erase from my life
heart of rebel
I declare this in my blog
those who read this will be the witness
I dun wanna be rebeler anymore
this is a bad thing
I have to, no...
I must!
I must delete this from my life
next time whenever I wan to do wrong thing
I pray that God will remind me of this post
and His grace
so that this can stop me from making sins
thank you
:)



-the end of the post-

Thursday, August 4, 2011

Hey Jude

I face so many relationship problems this year...
I don't know why...
Is't my problem? or their problems?
start from Jan,
I am quite close with E boy
and then some funny misunderstanding
then argued

Until Feb and March,
I having cold fight with Y boy
I was choosing whether I should stop our friendship or continue
that was a terrible and sadful moments

All these we had overcame
and this helped us to built a stronger foundation of friendship

==============================================

From April,
until now~
I having fight with C boy
another boy
he is a bit different from the other 2
because these fight occurred because of a lot of things
and misunderstanding
I don't want to list it out

==============================================

Recently
I a bit cannot tahan another boy
is ZZ boy
I dun understand he like to zat me and scold me without any reasons
he deleted me
blocked me
he took away my lrt card (June he took, now only he return)
he took my physics notes form4 chapter1
he took my sejarah nota form 5
I gave him answers in exam

last year he was a new student
but he didn't hav much friends
so I thought I have to take the responsibility to friend with him
so and now we had become good friend
but he like to emo in front of me
my friend ask me why I can tahan him like that
I didn't say anything

now he started to tease me
but if he see this
I would like to tell him this:

If you want to continue being like this, I also cannot say anything. but... I am so wonder, why I want to explained to yenthung that u didn't cheat for ur sejarah intervensi marks. I wonder why I want to say your good things to choon tik so that you won't be fired by lenbaga pengawas. I wonder why I want to book you a place and letting my friend, gih peng to sit other place when I forgot to book for you.... if you don't appreciate what your true friend did for you, then I won't treat u as a true friend as well...

===========================================

is't all my problems?
I should repent to God
for what I had did
sometimes
I really don't know what's wrong with me
I'm so confuse
so...
pls do let me know if I really wrong
thanks...


Monday, July 18, 2011

朋友6

今天我跟这位已经吵架4个月的朋友握手,
决定不再生他的气
回想起来,
我有一点小气
我是不是该反省呢?

最近很多朋友都失恋
我不知道发生了什么事
我突然觉得很怕
我很怕我连恋爱的机会都没有
我此时是很同情失恋的人
但是我也羡慕他们
至少他们曾经拥有过

原本我对这件事没有那么怕
可能现在发育时期
我特别担心这种事
之前有一位女生喜欢我
我告诉我的班
班上竟然没有人敢相信
还有人说
我想不到她会喜欢你哪一点咯
我突然心想
难道
我的价值是那么低吗?
原来,
我应该是属于没有人会喜欢的那种类型的

是我的外表的问题吗?
还是
我的性格
还是我不够成熟
我不够高?
我不够黑?
我不够壮?
我不够man?
我不够帅?
还是我很幼稚?
我很小气?
我喜欢转牛角尖?
我很吝啬?
我很无聊?
我很多余?
我很没用?

看来我必须从人际关系开始着手
学习了解我的缺点
从中学习变得更好
我会没事的
我不会终生单生吧?
:)

这是我form2写的

Friday, July 15, 2011

Do you like this?

Do you like this kind of songs?
this is call piano music...
I'm not really focus so much in this kind of musics,
but my sis bought this album so I just listen it
and I feel its quite nice also...

here I share this song to you~
"Angel Eyes" from Jim Brickman...
hope you all like it...
:)

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

why me?!

because today we have no homework then only I will write this post
to show my anger here!!
haha...

I very unsatisfied with many things...
first of all
pbsm
I dun understand why all the members can give a lot of excuses to not marching
I dun understand why... they seems like willing to see pbsm hancur...
I feel so sorry to the xx seniors...
I cannot manage to take care of this society nicely...
haizzz

secondly,
I very unsatisfied with the president of pbsm
I dunno how come he can be so irresponsible
he can enjoy his futsal match and letting me, powei and yi ning to search for member class by class...
haizzz
some more he say he is not good at this
oh please, dun give this kind of excuse ok?!
u are the president, show your attitude, style as a president
u have so many things to do
even if u do wrong we wont say anything... coz we are human being...
but just do something ok...(actually I wish I can get this position at first, but because I know all these troubles will come to me that's why I dun wan my fren to vote for me
but I very disappointed with it so I have to handle it, by right I not suppose to do all these things, it's nothing to do with me!!! I am only ajk medic!!)
I know the burden is too big
but...
now no matter what, I must do something
pbsm cannot hancur like that
even though I just a ajk, wat I did no body may see
and sometimes have to tahan people's faces...
haizzzz

2.2, this president is a veli bad bad boy...
he likes to bully me TT
he wash his hands after shake hand with me...
he dunwan to join our discussion...
he untag the photo...
ok now let's talk about this untag photo...
if he untag the photo is because he dunwan his fren to know he got such ugly fren,
then I can accept it
but so many things happen cause me angry him now la... TT
so now I oso untag the photo as well...
I dunwan my fren to know I got such weird fren... huh!! :P

thirdly
I very unsatisfied with the teachers oso...
they are so simply throw away all the jobs to president
haizzz
pity the president...


forthly (no mood mode)
add math very hard ah!!!!!!!

fifth,
I very lazy ah!!!!

sixth,
seloka thing...
...
......

hmmmmmmmm
now Im ok d...
:)
just wan to explode my feeling... haha...
actually I not really angry to the president la
coz I edi forgive him...
XD