I had a trip to
My father took us there by car. I very excited as it was the first time I went to
After that, my father arrive us to visit a popular cave. We pass by a jungle, and a lot of trees. When we reached at there, we tooking some photograph.
We were suppose to return to hotel because that was night. But we realize that my father’s car was steal by a thief. That was only one way to walk back to hotel. My younger brother was crying because of the sky turn to dark from bright of light.
But we didn’t saw any road sign for come back to the hotel. My father asked us to stay at the cave and he will went to find people to help them. After that, my mother also follow my father. She said don’t go out from the cave no matter what happen.
Suddenly, I didn’t hear any crying sound and I realize my younger brother was missing too. I go out and find my brother. I saw his shoes was in the (longkang) and I hear his voice. After that, I saw my brother sleeping under a tree. I tried my best to wake him up.
My brother was also wake up and stop crying. We were tried to go out from the forest because as the time I find my brother I went into a deep forest already. We tried to go out from the forest but fail. The forest change to noisy from dead land. We saw crows flew away from the sky and owls were singing. There was also had wolves howling.
We were very scared but I tell myself, I have to take care of my younger brother. So we tried the best to go out from the forest. Finally we were success and we saw my father and my mother. We ordered (texi) to arrive us to come back to the hotel.
Next day, we were come back to hometown by (areplane). This is a really unforgettable holidays.
Line 3 : My father checked us in
Line 4 : we never say “arrive us”, never say arrive someone! We paid a visit to …
Line 5 : we pass by a jungle full of big trees. When we reached there, no “at”. Never use past tense + ing! Either were taking or took
Line 6 : never say because like tat, return to the hotel before its dark or before night time.
Line 7 : was stolen! Not steal. And don’t say that it’s stolen by a thief coz u never seen the actual thief, juz say it went missing.
Line 8 : something wrong with the bright of light, doesn’t sounds like English. Juz say he’s afraid of the dark.
Line 9 : road sign that shows the way back to the hotel, never say “for come back” very wrong.
Line 10 : when u use will it’s something that’s going to happen, then u cant use past tense after it, “he will go and look for help” never say find ppl, nobody’s lost, no need to find 1!
Line 11 : my mother wanted to follow him and she told us to stay put in the cave. Your sentence vry Chinese!!
Line 12 : the crying has stopped.
Line 13 : I was so frightened and went out to search for him. His sparkling shoes caught my attention from a drain nearby. I could hear his voice now.
Line 14 : when u hear his voice, what voice izit? Crying? How come after hearing the voice then suddenly can sleep jor! Big mistake! Say that “I saw him crying under a tree.
Line 16 : don’t say my bro oso wake up, juz say he woke up. We were trying! Past continuous! Out OF the forest not from!
Line 17 : Pls don use already in any kind of essay! It’s dangerous! As I went so deep into the forest juz to look for him.
Line 18 : forest never change! Say the forest turned into a noisy place from juz a dead land.
Line 19 : crows flying away, not from the sky! If they flew from the sky mana lagi nak pergi, they are meant to be at the sky! Use comma“,” to fuse the sentence up, don’t hv to break it to pieces. Crows flying away, owls singing, and wolves howling, too.
Line 21 : at first I was frightened, but I had to strengthen myself to protect my little bro.
Line 22 : never say we were success, we succeeded!
Line 23 : went back to the hotel by a cab. [Pls notice that its late night edi, and where got taxi will go up to cave n jungle 1 expecially during night time! If got oso I don dare to go in ah!]
Line 24 : on the next day, we went back … [ I noticed that u oways make same mistake! Was n were = 是! How can u say 我们是回来? Be aware!] spelling aeroplane / plane oso can
Line 25 : That WAS really an unforgettable [ put really in front!]
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