Showing posts with label 与神的爱. Show all posts
Showing posts with label 与神的爱. Show all posts

Friday, June 21, 2013

牵引我心

经历种种磨练,不得不叫自己学习成长,学次放下自己,全然交托给神。有时候当觉得自己很有能力的时候,反而不会降服;直等到问题来到,才知道自己是多么渺小,不得不在全能神面前谦卑。

在我还没有考undang-undang考试前,我在房间做过着这么一个祷告:

“主啊,求你祝福我,好让我能够在我能祝福的范围内祝福其他人。”

很多次遇到交通问题时,我都很好运,有那么多“天使”祝福我,载我,有一次打完羽球,jonathan载我回家,我说我不知道要如何报答他,他告诉我:你不需要报答我,等到你会驾车时就祝福其他不会驾车的人吧!我也是一个过来人,曾经有不少人载过我,现在是时候到我祝福人了。

很多人刚考到车时,都喜欢抢着要驾车,这也包括我在内,但可能是性格的关系,我不太喜欢驾长途车程。另一方面是驾车技巧不好,每一次驾车旁边总有人在念我。无可否认我是初学者,还有很多需要学习的方面,所以我应该坦然大方的接受所有的批评的。但是可能是没有天分的关系,每一次都被念得好惨哦 :'(

 有一次因为家里没有人在的关系,我必须要自己一个人驾车去附近的地方,结果就在家外面撞到自己的车,而且那辆被撞的车再过几天就要准备拿出去卖了,就因为我撞到的关系这辆车亏了不少钱。被爸爸骂了后心情真的很失落,脆弱的心灵已经被几句尖锐的话语刺伤,心很痛,很想放弃驾车。在我已经找不到任何理由继续驾车的时候,这句祷告词再次浮现在我的脑海里了。“主啊,求你祝福我,好让我能够在我能祝福的范围内祝福其他人。” 我的生命,是要来影响更多生命的!我祈求神帮助我,每一次要驾车前,我不要再靠自己的聪明智慧,乃是要投靠万能的耶和华,将我所要走的路交托神。(箴言3:5-6)就这样,驾车技术进步不少了。

今天又再次承受很大的打击,我真的很失落。驾车不但被家人骂,还要被一个年纪比我小的人取笑,这一点都不好笑!巴着自己的面子勉强笑,希望自己能够好下台一点,但原来我的内心是受了多大的创伤。我不否认我鲁莽的驾驶,但是我真的很难接受自己这样被人笑。可能因为我是那种做事按部就班的类型,我很难变通,所以在驾车方面受过不少煎熬。我在心里想:我不想驾了。。。

对呀,可能搭lrt没有那么多烦恼

但感谢神的是,我再次找到学好车的理由。惟有这样我才愿意吭下这口难喝的杯。

每一次驾车都要抱着学习的心态,我希望这些打击不会影响我对神的信心,还有我做过的承诺,如果我手所拥有的能够祝福人,就要给出去!不然上帝“收回”的时候,就可别后悔了。希望我不会把自己所拥有的当做理所当然,同时也不要自高自大,希望我能够放下自己,将破碎的心灵交托认罪 (诗篇51:17),我相信上帝正在为我铺盖更美好的道路!

这首歌的歌词激励了我,再一次,我要在眼泪中被神触摸,学习怕起...


心中的渴望,惟你能滿足,翻騰的心情,惟你能平息, 

我靈甚渴慕你,更深的認識你,主你的恩典,是何等的甘甜。 
牽引我心,更深的愛你主,緊抱著我在你的懷裡, 
牽引我心,每一刻更深的愛你主,我只要永遠的愛你主, 
我渴慕藏在你的愛裡,一日復一日,我尋求你面, 
聖靈吸引我,進入恩典的應許,我心充滿盼望, 
從此不再畏懼,來到你跟前,是何等的甘甜。 

Wednesday, May 1, 2013

充满恩典的一天

已经很久没有在这里写自己的心情故事了,突然觉得人生...就像一个舞台,有时候事情的演变可以很戏剧化,有时候,自己一定要当一个最不起眼的配角,一个不会有人记得,感恩的角色,如果我不做,可能就没有人要做了。

几天前我跟一班foundation的朋友一起organize了一个三天两夜的melaka trip,在这次的旅程让我学习到了不少的东西,这次要说的是我如何经历了上帝的信实与恩典。

说到melaka,自然就会想到当地最出名的--jonker street, 在那里买了很多美食,还一起买了同一款的t-shirt,虽然是贵了一点,但是还是值得。那边其中一个档口是卖cendol的,因为吃过了很多次所以这次决定不叫,(其次是为了省钱哈哈)最后就从朋友书包拿出自己的水壶喝水(望梅止渴)
当天的天气很热,朋友们的心情也不耐烦,被他们作弄了几下,当作是训练我的EQ哈哈。回程的路途的确有点难熬,好不容易才回到酒店休息,才发现水壶不见了,原来是留在卖cendol的档口。当时的心情很挣扎,到底应不应该回去找水壶,天气那么热,应该不会有人肯陪我去,(就算有我也不好意思麻烦他们) 再加上我这个超级大路痴(痴到不行那种,是连唱k上厕所回来都会迷路)而且就算去到也未必找到;但是想一想自己一直以来都是那么大糊涂,水壶,铅笔盒等等都很容易弄不见,还有那支水壶蛮贵的,大概20多块,想到自己又要浪费钱买水壶,真的很不开心,所以就拿着自己的雨伞,回去找。

不知道哪里来的信心,就是想回去找,就算找不到也没关系。那个时候的心情很错乱,炎热的天气+被朋友作弄+水壶不见=真的很想杀人!我祷告,求神保守水壶,让我能够找到,就算找不到也就当作是一个教训好了。因为我相信我的上帝是我的供应者,在祂里面我决不缺乏。走的路程里,有问问自己如果真的找不回,会怎样?突然脑海回忆起牧师讲过的故事,是说他如何教导他的孩子照顾自己的东西。他说:如果孩子忘记带水壶去学校,不用特地提醒他,让他学会口渴找水喝,也帮助他的孩子以后会记得带水壶去学校。所以我也要学会成长,水壶不见要自己找!

走的每一段路,我都再三提醒自己要记得路,我想办法记得board sign,挡口,因为这次是自己一个人走,如果迷路就完了(因为大家都在酒店里休息睡觉)感谢上帝,那段不容易走的路有祷告陪着我,我没有trial and error都可以成功去到cendol的店,感谢主。去到那里,还让我找得回水壶,卖cendol的auntie说:我还以为你会忘记的。一天那么多顾客,其实她会特地留下水壶等我领取也很难得。找到了以后,我心中充满感恩,是言语也无法说出的感恩,虽然这是一个很小的见证,但是我很感恩,在这么小件的事情上,上帝都眷顾,我再次学习到一样东西-成长。首先是要好好照顾自己的东西, 第二,要学会认路。老实说,要不是这次愿意闯一闯,我也不会记得那条路,就算是现在要我走多一次我都记得!原来人被逼到最后一分钟,再难的任务也是有可能做到的。


it was lost, but finally it is found :)

**************************************************************************

第二个恩典的经历也是在同一天晚上,当晚我们一起约好要走去一个pasar malam, 因为那边有卖很好吃的baba charlie nyonya kuih, 走路大约要用30分钟,但是我们最后花了1小时多才走到,而且有些路很恐怖T.T感谢神保守
大概9点多晚上我们才去到pasar malam, 当时身体已经是疲乏无力,所以买了kuih后真的要准备接taxi,但是那种偏僻的area,再加上那种时间,说接就接到的meh? TT我们尝试打电话给taxi driver但是他却没有接,再这样下去我们可能真的要走路回了。想到路程那么远+疲倦,haizz...无奈~

那个时候,两个朋友在打包食物,而我和另外两个朋友一起接taxi,后来因为怕麻烦,我朋友就叫我去对面另外一side接taxi,当时的确有taxi经过但是都是有载人的。我觉得很无奈,如果真的要我走的话我的确无所谓,但是如果有taxi我会更开心。我简单地祷告,那个时候我没有特别渴望事情可以成就因为我觉得这个也不是什么大事,而且早上已经经历了一次恩典,我也不要求那么多了。

结果,taxi果然没有来,但是上帝仍然垂听我的祷告,一辆车从远处而来,行驶速度突然缓慢,停在我的前面,我还来不及反应,里面有一个男司机开窗问我:“你们想去哪里,这个时候是很难接到taxi的,如果你们不介意,我可以载。” 我真的不敢相信,因为之前我还跟我的朋友说在malaysia是不可能找到人carpooling的,结果!竟然让我见识到了,当时的我没有举手,也没有表现出要接taxi的手势,但是这两车就这样停下来,还知道我不是一个人,因为他说“你们”
跟朋友上车后,我的心情蛮开心,当然防人之心不可无,我也是很怕他会抓我们去卖的,但是从他跟我们谈话的语气来听,不太像,而且他的车有卦着cross,比较有好印象。哈哈。最后这个好心人果然带我们回去要去的地方,很感谢这位好心人,也感谢主,他就像是一位上帝派来的天使,我知道原来不管是大事或小事,上帝仍然垂听,因为祂就是如此的爱我们!可能你们觉得是巧合,但是我相信不是,是神的慈爱与怜悯!
我的朋友都很意外,这样的事情还会发生,荣耀归给神

下车前请了那位好心人一片nyonya kuih,以表示谢意。这么小的事情我仍然要献上感谢,因为再一次,我经历了祂无比的信实与大爱!

baba charlie nyonya kuih :)

Monday, March 19, 2012

Joel is back [Junaco Park]

Hi! I'm back again~
I've done 3 months national service training at junaco park sibu~
the camp is awesome...
the 77 days is so memorable to me...

First of all...
it is not an ordinary camp?
why?
not because of ghost or wat la~
because it is
  • the largest camp in malaysia
  • the prettiest camp in malaysia



as you can see, this is one of the lake... written there: Junaco Park Sibu
before government switch it as a camp,
it was a big public park
people can fishing there,
jogging
because it cover by many mountains...
the fresh air... beautiful lakes...
and the beautiful skies~
love it so much.... muacksssss

one more thing, this is the only camp with swimming pool
(even though I dunno how to swim, but I still feel proud of it :P)



one more thing, there is one big hall that can put 1,000 people++ inside
this is the stage...
I thank God for I got so much chances to perform on the stage...


this is asrama wira... means hostel for male la~
:)
to be continue... :D

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

2011 wishlist

I still remember when I wrote my 2011 wishlist
I have gave myself some simple tasks and some are quite hard to do it...
its only 5 wishlist

2011 wish list

1. 进入丰盛
2. spm 考到理想的成绩
3. 人际关系有突破
4. 背包旅行
5. 圣灵充满

ok, so base on these 5 wishlist
if we look at the bottom 1, receive holy spirit and speak in tongue
I guess maybe its not the time yet, so I failed this task
let's look at the 4th,
bag packing,
I've plan a bag packing but since we are still young,
and many things are inconvenience
so we canceled it and ended up with a graduation trip
never mind, I'm quite satisfied with it. :)

next, break through in relationship
yes it is, since this year I've argue with so many friends,
chinese say: 不打不相识 right?
in school I've learn to forgive,
somehow in church I still couldn't find a true close friends to share spiritual problems and experiences
so I gonna work out on that...

the second 1 is getting good results in spm
I still dunno how's my result,
but base on my expection, I think my result is not that well compare to what I target,
never mind, I will just pass this to God and I believe God is good... hahaha...

the first 1, is become a very successful person...
I think this job is failed... its not what I expect, anyway I just hope next year will be better... hahahaha....

in conclusion:
I have done 2 tasks, 2 failed, and 1 unconfirmed....
so, what's my new year resolution 2012?
to be continue...

Sunday, December 4, 2011

It's the most wonderful time of the year

yeah~
christmas is coming
and my spm exam is only left bc paper
so let's rejoice it~
yeah~~
how's my blog template?
I like it
compare to last year template
this year oso gt show some christmas feel~
right?
thank God and this is the season of give thanks~~ :D
share u some songs~


Friday, September 9, 2011

The Power of YOUR WORDS

This is a good testimony/ sharing of God's words...
I would like to share with you about how is the power of God's word release the freedom of forgiveness...

The following plot will overall describe the journey~

April
- I joined a competition with C boy
- I argued with the C boy during discussion

May
- I threw my bag to him because he said I'm copy paster
- I wrote letter to him, he koyak it

June
- cold fight
- celebration lunch he flew the kite

July
- I try to friend with him and asked him school stuff but he refuse to teach me

August
- tried to change his mind but failed
- cold fight

So many friends asked why I angry to him
I always gave the same answers
actually I also don't know why I wanted to angry to him
because I really wish to friend with him
then I can learn to speak well in english
but maybe we did not have good understanding to each other

God's word warned me from continues to act like hating him
I accidently saw this verse...
John 1 chapter 4 verse 20

Those who say, ‘I love God’, and hate their brothers or sisters,* are liars; for those who do not love a brother or sister* whom they have seen, cannot love God whom they have not seen.

At the end, I prefer to stop acting hate him and start to talk to him back...
At the end of this story
I learn to be more mature
sometimes I just like to emo without any reasons
especially wat I wrote in the post "Erase"
I learnt the skill to communicate
the final destination of the Think Quest problem
should be solved by now...
even though I dunno whether he hate me or not
and what is the reasons,
but as long as I show my responsibilities
I change my attitude,
then I believe God will make everything to be alright
:)

just like today I smiled to Z boy
and he wave to me too
maybe this is a good ending
without teasing anymore
and I believe God will heal the relationship

Thank God
I will become a good Christian
and show a good example
to the people
to shine in the world
and Holy Spirit please fill my heart
because I need your power, love...

I want to end this sharing with a song,
but before that,
I would like to tell you,
God's word is really powerful
no matter what religion you are
you can try to pray
and believe in God's words
because HE is almighty God :)


Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Halo, Spm

Halo, Spm
u are coming, and I will come too
I will work hard, try my best
Using Jesus almighty name
to defeat you!!

==========================

So,
I will sacrifice my internet time
to study
first of all,
I will cut down the time to play computer
to 30-45 minutes a day
(include blog and facebook)
but not including listening to songs
becoz I used to do calculations and write essay when I listening to songs

next,
I will sacrifice my study time
at least 1 subject a day
I will focus on science subjects
especially Biology and Chemistry
but for this trial exam, I will work harder on physics and add math
bcoz of some reasons

after that,
I will increase time to read Bible and pray with all my heart!
bcoz I know I need God to be with me
in all the journey
no matter what
Jesus, I need you
without You, I cant do anything
so
please fill my heart with your love

Spm is coming
am I ready?
I dunno
but I will start to prepare myself
:)
God bless...


Friday, August 19, 2011

Erase

I named this post as "Erase" because this post I'm going to share who and wat am I going to ERASE from my life!

First of all,
The first person I wanted to erase is C boy
he was my good friend before
we tuition together
we do projects together
we discuss stuff together
but all these can only keep in my memories
because everything change since this year april
I am very dissapointed in him
I have nothing to talk to him anymore
From now onward,
he is only my normal friend in class
if possible... I will not talk to him at all
why am I so cruel?
there is another secret reason...
and I know this decision is a good decision...
:)
if you ask me, are you sure that you willing to do that?
I can answer you
From the bottom of my heart
I don't want that
but for his own good, for another boy own good
I think I deserve it!

another boy that I plan to erase from my life is Z boy
for this case
there is a girl who support me
because this boy always tease me
and he doesn't appreciate what I've did to him
from giving answers in exam, to lending him notes, then helping him
but what he did is scolding me and sarcastic me
my friend ask me why I can tahan him for this whole year
but I just speechless
so I plan to less talk to him
good for me and him I guess

these are the people that I plan to erase from my life
don't worry
I won't kill them
I will only avoid them from my sight and their sight
I know I shouldn't do this because this year is final year
we should appreciate the friendships
but if they don't wish to respect me what for I wan to treat them so well
since they don't expect me to respect them
I think if I treat them like a very very very normal friend,
is very kind enough...

======================================================

There is one thing that I wan to erase from my life
heart of rebel
I declare this in my blog
those who read this will be the witness
I dun wanna be rebeler anymore
this is a bad thing
I have to, no...
I must!
I must delete this from my life
next time whenever I wan to do wrong thing
I pray that God will remind me of this post
and His grace
so that this can stop me from making sins
thank you
:)



-the end of the post-

Thursday, August 4, 2011

Hey Jude

I face so many relationship problems this year...
I don't know why...
Is't my problem? or their problems?
start from Jan,
I am quite close with E boy
and then some funny misunderstanding
then argued

Until Feb and March,
I having cold fight with Y boy
I was choosing whether I should stop our friendship or continue
that was a terrible and sadful moments

All these we had overcame
and this helped us to built a stronger foundation of friendship

==============================================

From April,
until now~
I having fight with C boy
another boy
he is a bit different from the other 2
because these fight occurred because of a lot of things
and misunderstanding
I don't want to list it out

==============================================

Recently
I a bit cannot tahan another boy
is ZZ boy
I dun understand he like to zat me and scold me without any reasons
he deleted me
blocked me
he took away my lrt card (June he took, now only he return)
he took my physics notes form4 chapter1
he took my sejarah nota form 5
I gave him answers in exam

last year he was a new student
but he didn't hav much friends
so I thought I have to take the responsibility to friend with him
so and now we had become good friend
but he like to emo in front of me
my friend ask me why I can tahan him like that
I didn't say anything

now he started to tease me
but if he see this
I would like to tell him this:

If you want to continue being like this, I also cannot say anything. but... I am so wonder, why I want to explained to yenthung that u didn't cheat for ur sejarah intervensi marks. I wonder why I want to say your good things to choon tik so that you won't be fired by lenbaga pengawas. I wonder why I want to book you a place and letting my friend, gih peng to sit other place when I forgot to book for you.... if you don't appreciate what your true friend did for you, then I won't treat u as a true friend as well...

===========================================

is't all my problems?
I should repent to God
for what I had did
sometimes
I really don't know what's wrong with me
I'm so confuse
so...
pls do let me know if I really wrong
thanks...


Monday, June 6, 2011

F for friendship

Yes, as you see, the title of the post is talking about friendship
here I have a good news to tell you all that I am willing to forgive the person that I angry recently
the guy is actually the leader of think quest group
yes it is him!
if you wan to know wat is the reason I hate him, please look for the posts of "think quest", "why?!", "queit", "final destination", "know the answer without telling me the answer"
however, there are some posts also talked about how important this leader to me
please look for www.experienceofscience1.blogspot.com for more info
hmmm.... why am I going to forgive him?
there are several reasons
no.1 I told so many people and they advise me to forgive him because they said I'm the one think too much
no.2 he guy treated me not bad, he always wave to me without any reason (I seriously dunno why)
no.3 I hope God will wash away my sins too! (actually this 1 is the most important reason)
so...
today I smiled to him already,
how?
am I doing good?
:)
this is a very simple post, but what I wanted to share is
1. with God all things are possible, God is great
2.forgive is a release, you will feel happier if you forgive somebody u hate
3. appreciate your friendship



Wednesday, June 1, 2011

6月的post

终于踏入六月的生活了
六月的生活是一个又悠闲,又繁忙的月份
因为前半个月有两个星期的假期
可以尽情的享受,休息~
但是开学后就忙了
虽然还不知道会忙什么,
但是有预感,而且往年都是这样的
更何况今年考spm
haizzzzzz

我决定用储蓄的钱买练习作
走了这条路
就不能回头了
买练习来做,要花钱
要花得值得
就是要考好成绩
要考好成绩,就要拼了
所以,我是逼不得已的
如果你们看到我stress的样子,
你们不要出奇

假期后,
肯定会忙死的
假期后,think quest的成绩会出炉
好紧张哦
下了不少心机,
希望会有回报
虽然知道不太会赢的
但是希望还有一点award啦~

还有一个国际的比赛已经报名参加了,
虽然不知道是几时
但是知道会在六月比赛
希望我不会连累整个组咯

话说回来,
六月假期我要做的事情很多
1.完成还没做完的功课
2.读完至少1本书 (how to make anyone like u)
3.庆功宴
4.。。。

六月还有特别的一天,
那就是我的生日哦~
哈哈~
期待你们要送我的礼物
我今年送那么多人礼物
再加上跟大家深入的感情
希望我能够收到礼物咯~
哈哈。。。
但是。。。
我生日那天会拿华语和生物学成绩
好担心哦。。。

六月也希望能在上帝的爱中继续在教会里成长
让我成为更成熟的人 :)

六月会怎样呢?
我还不知道
虽然没有一个很好的开始
但是我会期待
希望今年的六月让我留下美好的回忆
:)

Saturday, May 7, 2011

^^

When I say that 'I am a Christian', I am not shouting that 'I am clean living'. I'm whispering 'I was lost,

but now I'm found and forgiven.'

When I say 'I am a Christian' I don't speak of this with pride.
I'm confessing that I stumble and need

Christ to be my Guide.


When I say 'I am a Christian' I'm not trying to be strong.
I'm professing that I'm weak and need

His strength to carry on.



When I say 'I am a Christian' I'm not bragging of success.
I'm admitting I have failed and need God

to clean my mess.


When I say 'I am a Christian' I'm not claiming to be perfect.
My flaws are far too visible,

but God believes I'm worth it.




When I say 'I'm a Christian' I still feel the sting of pain.
I hv my share of heartaches,

so I call upon His name.

When I say 'I'm a Christian' I'm not holier than thou, I'm just a simple sinner who received

God's good grace, somehow!

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Final Destination

I know this topic is a bit scary, hahaha, but if you think a different way, it is a good title for this topic too! haha...

Today I was not around at school, because I in charge in the kejohanan bola sepak's medic. So, phei lian, shih kei, and the guy finished it at school. After I went back home, I called shih kei, shih kei told me that teacher already submit the work.... yeah~ and from the facebook, the guy also send the message that our work are done. yeah~

Finally, our project, successfully submit to ..........

FINAL DESTINATION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

which is also call internet la... hahaha....

I don't expect we can win in this competition, but in this competition, I really learnt a lot! I learnt more about teenager's problems, more knowledges about teenagers behavior. (if you ask me what are the content, I cant tell you, because according to anwar al-junid's law, he states that if after a class you can say out what you've learn means you didn't learn all, if you cannot say out means all the knowledge already stick inside your brain. haha), not only that, I also learnt about documentation, and lastly, how to treat friends nicely.

I should understand everybody's feeling and as a group, we should have a team leader. As a secretary in the group, I learnt to divide the group and help each other whoever is need help.

So, our celebration dinner is on! is on 1/6, we will probably go to KLCC or pavilion... yeah... :D

Thanks giving part:
I would like to thank God for giving me a chance to take part in this competition and learn to love God more and how to treat people nicely

I would like to thank all my group members for giving me support and all your commitments!

Shih Kei and Hoong Ling, thank you for listening my feelings when I was sad...

Pn Basirah, even though she didn't help a lot in the group, but without her, we also cannot submit the project

Pn Elaine, Ruth Liew and few 5a3/4 students, thanks for your information and interview

my family members, for comforting me and give me financial needs

and everybody!!!!

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Quiet

Today is suppose to submit the project, however, teachers and the leader, the guy was not around, so my friends and I have to rush and finish it in the lab.

We are suppose to post what we did inside our think quest account so that teacher can combine all. howver, 3 members are unable to to log in their account so I suggest to put all my information inside my account. today I skip all the seminars to just rush for this project.

After I went back home from tuition, the guy called me. he said that he cant open my account and combine all with teacher. So he said tomorrow morning must gather all finish it. I ask him why cannot just take all information from my account (since I can log in my account), he say he will explain to me tomorrow because he is too tired to settle the problem with teacher.

I am so angry and disappointed. How come he says until like he is the only one did all the thing?! not only that I even cannot understand why he say want to separate all the information to them again and combine it back? since today the whole day I already combine all... that time I was very angry to him...

After that, I really thank God for comforting me as I read this tag from my sister:When I say 'I am a Christian' I'm not bragging of success. I'm admitting I have failed and need God to clean my mess.

not only that, God always does thing right! His way is always the best way,even if to us it seems all wrong. TRUST! You can be sure that he will always give you what you need at the appropriate time.

Not only that, there is 1 song that touches my heart
I thank God for wanting me to rest and quiet myself to not rushing for everything

I ask the guy for teacher hp, after I call the teacher, teacher explain to me why we need to separate it again, then only I realize it.

Even though what I did today is not useful anymore, but my friends appreciate it and they thanked me. and I believe my God in Heaven also understand my feeling and finally things will be settle tomorrow....

Here is one song that touches my heart...


Wednesday, April 6, 2011

我走不下去了

我好想在这里把所有的问题写出来
但是,
我真的很难写出来
如果要我对每个我得罪的人说对不起,
我看我这辈子怎样都说不完
我突然觉得。。。
我真的很sinful

如果要我慢慢地把所有人际关系的问题例出来
我会尽量写
但是遗漏的
肯定很多

第一,
关于前两个
舍得,舍得2
里面说的那个人,
今天跟他澄清
结果又被指责
haizzzz
虽然他表面跟我说他没有生气,
但是我觉得
他应该还是很在意
因为他不要收我的chocolate
说真的,
我宁愿他收下,
至少他愿意领受我的歉意
但是他说他没有生气我,
所以不要收
haizzzz
我所付出的,
没有得到回报不用紧,
还不被认同
好失落

第二,
我想澄清,
我跟她是好朋友罢了
是永远的好朋友
但是很多人都误会,
导致她生气我了
现在,
我也有可能少了一个朋友
因为我跟传我跟她的绯闻的老师说
“是她每次来找我啦”
我只是开玩笑,
但是没有想到她很在意
有时我不知道,
是其他人敏感
还是我有事做事情很过分

我个人认为这些玩笑很小事罢了
但是很多次了,
人家都生气
真的是我的问题吗?
我应该反省一下

还有,
另外一个异族朋友
之前很少朋友的
但是最近每次对我大骂
我也顶不顺他了

今天我把所有问题这些问题例出来
看到的人
应该觉得我很令人讨厌吧
我也这么觉得

在此,
我想对这些人说声对不起
我不知道我该如何面对你们
我明天不想去学校了
因为不知道该找谁说话

我有时觉得,
我在这个世界很多余
属灵生命又不是很好
人际关系更加烂
有人说我的人际关系好
但是,
看透我内心深处的人
就知道不是了
我在人际关系这条路
好像掉进死阴幽谷了
我。。。
走不下去了。。。
有谁可以拉我上来?
扶持我?

我曾经想要当一个使人和睦的人
因为班上很多人都互相讨厌
但是,
我还能做到吗?
我都那么令人讨厌了
我还能吗?
我。。。
快不行了。。。

明天我可能会坐在班里的角落,
这样才不会让人看到我

把问题说出来,
不是刻意要贬低人家名誉
而是抒发
在这里
很想说声,对不起。
还有,
这是我的祷告:

主啊,
我知道你爱我,
我来到你的面前,
向主你道歉
我亏欠你
我对不起你
我知道
我错了
我求上帝赦免我
我的所作所为
我也要向主你说
我爱你
愿神你聆听我的祷告
谢谢主
奉主耶稣的名字祷告,
阿门

Monday, April 4, 2011

舍得

人际关系上的突破
还没有解决

这次要讲的是拥抱
之前我一直所说的“诱惑”
其实就是我很想去抱一个人
就是觉得爽
还吃了他不少豆腐
这样算来,
都蛮多一下

终于,
他顶不顺了
他说:“如果你再这样我就告诉老师”
我没有想过他那么serious
我也吓了一跳
我真的承受不了
以后再也不能抱他了
有一点失望
(其实我也是过分一点了拉~)

但是如果让我选
我宁愿努力挽救这段友情
因为
友情比拥抱重要
我不想因为这种小事令他觉得反感
所以我就去了一间便利店
买了一个chocolate
打算明天送给他
因为我记得宋伟以前讲过
这个人会送chocolate来表达感激
所以chocolate这样东西对他意义非凡吧~

这个chocolate
花了我RM3
也就是三天的早餐
所以连续三天都要吭面包咯

如果你问我
值不值得
我说值得
因为如果能用RM3来换回一段友情
我所能得到的
会比RM3还值钱
也有可能,
他会被我所感动
决定让我拼命抱他
hahaha
(开玩笑啦)

=====================================

上bio 节时
突然觉得自己在班上很多余
班上的男生有9位
如果两位一pair来算的话,
我就是多出来那位

Faiq+Haidhar(同班很多年,一起玩了很久)
Yogern+Chris (唯一用英文沟通,两人在一起最好谈)
Anwar+Zaeed (都是被冷落的,老师放他们在一起)
CC+Edwin(很多共同的话题,尤其是周杰伦)
陈衍升+空气=〉陈衍升+空气 (no reaction)

但是我发现我不能这样想
上帝造每个人都是重要
我知道
上帝是爱我的
所以,
我并不孤单
:)
(我不会想不开的)

题目叫舍得,
所以送上这首歌
许如云的泪海


Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Thank you

thank you for being my friend...
no matter what situation I am facing...
you are always be there with me
I don't understand why
for treating me so nicely
even though I am not perfect
but you had chosen me
to be with you
not because of what I've done
or who I am
is because of who you are
thank you for your love
thank you for your patient
and I'm so sorry about what I've done to you
what can I do?
I know I'm not perfect
but thank you for accepting me
and my everything
:)

secondly, thank you to my family
for always love me,
and let my life to full with joys, happiness
my closest, family
you are the one who always guide me
tutoring me
so that I can become better
thank you.....

thirdly, thank you to my school friends
because of you all,
I'm not alone in school
even though now I am facing some troubles
however,
I hope things can turn into better way...
I don't know what will happen tomorrow
things can become worse and worse in one day
but I know that
God will make a way...
so my friend,
no matter what...
I would still like to say
thank you

Monday, March 28, 2011

朋友。我能吗?

今天我才知道
原来不少人看了我的部落格
之前还放胆地在这里毫无考虑的说心事
现在,
恐怕不行了
原来
Rachel, Edwin, hl 都看过我的部落格了
看来纸还是包不住火了~

我决定了,
这次是我最后一次把这件事写在部落格,
下不为例!

=================================

听了听红玲问我的问题
“你为什么不要加入他们呢?”
我此时顿着了
我不知道该说什么
这个问题
最后的解决方案还可以
“加入”

我不知道这样是否会好
我不知道我可不可以
我心想,
我能吗?

为什么我要加入?
为什么我不要加入?
我该不该加入?
三人好
还是两人好?
我要怎么做呢??

我有想过这个问题的
因为“诱惑”很强
我好想加入
但是,
如果感觉不太对
万一他们觉得我很厌烦
反而会更加讨厌我了
而且话题不容易加入
我也不想要他们配合我

如果不加入,
就成全大家
让我当个伟大的人
自己退出
让大家都快乐好了
我。。。
表面会尽量扮到无所谓啦~
至于心底呢?
我还是会有一点点咯
(老实说)

看到班上的人有些互相针对
你讨厌我,我讨厌你
我却无能为力
我好想成为一个使人和睦的人
我该怎么做?
至于现在眼前所面对的友情问题
我还能够解决到吗?

现在还有更大的事情发生了
暂时这些小事我不能理太多
但是还是希望这些小事也能够尽快解决咯

Friday, March 25, 2011

朋友4

第四天了
问题还没完全解决
虽然今天还有一点好转
但是今天做了一件小错事

今天,我的朋友终于问我这个问题了
“你到底不爽XX什么?”
结果我就透露了一点
我对那个XX的不满
后来我的朋友才跟我一起谈起话了
我发现原来他一直觉得
我跟他们这一班
根本谈不来

其实我不是说很难跟他们谈得来
只不过我觉得,若我加入
要进展并不容易
所以我觉得,
退出会更好
虽然可能会一直保持着‘1人’
但是,
相信生命里还会有很多路人
我不至于那么孤单吧。

那么伟大的决定,
的确要付出的
我伤心了一段时间
虽然不知道接下来的道路
会多么难得走
可能我会放弃,
可能我会很痛苦
但是我相信
上帝的旨意必要临到!

话说回来
我有一点后悔
我不应该告诉我的朋友关于我对XX的不满
因为我担心他会告诉他
该怎么办呢?
唯愿我跟我的朋友的友情能够钢硬过他跟XX的友情咯
:(

我不知道上帝要我如何走这条路,
我只是知道
我要在这个班上
成为一个使人和睦的人
要使人和睦
自己要先和睦
所以我要成为一个人见人爱的人
我说话要有建设性
要做一个有安全感的人
要得到别人的信任
我要在影响这个班
:)

==================================

总结这五天的“朋友情况”
星期一-挑战还没接受,还活在‘诱惑’里
星期二-第一天面对冲突,好挣扎
星期三-跟朋友吵架了,我选择骗一些之前我分享过心事的人说问题解决了,以防问题蔓延下去
星期四-情况有一点奇怪
星期五,好转,但是问题还没结束

这个班里,
很多朋友之间都有分歧
我不想自己也成为一份子
我要班里的人也能和睦
赞美主!